This story is made up · Satire · All people, companies, and events are imaginary
White House Ballroom Opens for Rentals; Parking Is $85, Motorcades Count as Cars
The $400 million room seats up to 999. Whether you do is a separate review.
WASHINGTON · SATIRE — The White House has opened its new State Ballroom to the public, citing the need to recoup $400 million. The room offers 22,000 square feet and seats 650 to 999, depending on who is counting and who is paying.
Base rental is $1.2 million for eight hours, starting at security clearance, not doors. Screening is $45 per guest, $30 per rescan. Background checks are $140 a head, nonrefundable, including for guests who fail them.
Parking is $85 per car. The contract defines "car" to include motorcades.
Food is one approved menu, described as "traditional." Substitutions are accommodated "where consistent with the venue's culinary philosophy." The service charge is 28 percent, plus a 9 percent administrative gratuity that "is not a gratuity."
Attrition is 100 percent. Force majeure covers weather, acts of God, and acts of the principal. Guest lists remain at the venue's discretion, and speeches must be approved in advance.
Asked how the room compares to the Marriott Marquis, a spokesperson said the Marquis "does not have a flag."
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