Fiction. Any resemblance to your boss is your problem.
Ask Margo Vance
Advice for people who work with people
Margo Vance · Certified in Nothing, Qualified in Everything.
October 23, 2026 · SATIRE
I Automated My Whole Job. Now I Just Walk Fast With a Lanyard.
The Letter
Dear Margo, I'm twenty-three. One afternoon I automated my entire events job. It now takes four minutes a week. Since then I've kept a spreadsheet open and walked the halls with a lanyard at a brisk pace. My manager just praised my “incredible bandwidth” and recommended me for a raise. I feel like a fraud. What do I do?
— Brisk in Boston
Margo's Answer
Dear Brisk, The lanyard alone is worth a promotion. I ran banquets for thirty years, and nothing opens doors like looking busy.
But fraud needs a victim, and yours is getting faster work for the same pay. I'd also note your manager wrote that review with the same tool you used. Nobody on this thread is clean.
Take the raise. Then teach the veteran in the next cubicle your trick. She's afraid of the machines, but she knows what goes wrong at a gala. You have the speed, she has the scars.
Use your free hours to learn something the tool can't, like reading a room that's about to turn. Otherwise you're just a well-dressed hall monitor.
Still on your side. Lunch is on you. Margo.
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